sheikah | Essay on Friendship

Friendship is a funny thing. It is one of the things that can cause both the most joy and the most grief in our lives and yet, it is something that is not as easily quantified as a house or a car or a favorite article of clothing. Friendship is something intangible with clearly tangible effects and the friendships that I have affect my life in many areas. One of the most important friends that I have ever had is my friend Kelly. While we have never actually met in person, I consider her to be one of my best friends and I trust her as much as I trust those friends I see everyday, if not more.

One of the things that draw people together, according to modern social psychological theory, is similarity. People are more likely to open up and form bonds with those that display similar attitudes than they are to open up and form bonds with those that hold differing attitudes (Clore & Baldridge 1968). In my personal experience, I have found this to be true. Most of my friends have had something in common with me, be it a favorite television show or something big like aligning political views.

In the case of Kelly, one of the biggest things we share is the fact that we are bipolar. Having bipolar disorder has a huge effect on me and it spreads across almost every domain of my life: school, home, friends and church. The fact that I have a friend with whom I do not have to explain why I feel a certain way or why I hate a certain medication is refreshing and, I feel, absolutely necessary. Viorst talks on pages 179 and 180 about the "categories" of friendship and I feel like Kelly and I's shared disorder helps place her in the crossroads category, among others.

Viorst describes a "crossroads" friend is a friend who shared an important event with you in the past. More specific than a historical friend (who is more typically the "childhood best friend"), a crossroads friend shares the type of experience that helps shape and change you. For Kelly and I, the both of us were diagnosed with our disorder at the same time. Because the both of us were struggling through our identities and learning to cope, we formed a bond over that experience that I doubt will be extinguished easily. While we talk every day, I feel like the intimacy we share falls under the category of the crossroads friendship because I do not think we would have to be in constant contact to sustain it.

Another thing that Kelly and I share is a passion for country music. Much less serious than a shared disorder, this shared passion gives us something to bond over and talk about when we are simply enjoying time together and are not worried about appointments, medications and symptoms. This shared interest takes the deep, passionate bond we have and connects us on a lighter, fluffier level. In my personal experience, friends that I could share the silly with along with the deep tended to be better friends than those I could not relate to on a superficial level.

However, despite these similarities, Kelly and I also share some major differences. I feel like it is a testament to our friendship that we do not let these differences get in the way of our friendship. One of the things that Kelly and I differ on is our political views. This is, in part, due to a cultural difference. Kelly is from California and is more exposed to a liberal viewpoint whereas me, being raised in the south, is more exposed to a conservative viewpoint. Kelly's liberal outlook on politics broadens my horizons and exposes me to ideas and concepts that my current worldview does not consider. I believe this is an important quality to have in a friend: the ability to see new viewpoints and ideas.

One of the last categories of friends that Viorst describes is that of a close friend. According to Viorst, a close friend is a friend that we "reveal aspects of our private self" and "[show] the unattractive and the nice." I feel like Kelly and I are close enough that I can be my true self with her. It is a heady feeling, knowing that I do not have to hide my thoughts and feelings from her and that I can be myself without fear of judgment. Viorst says that these types of friendships have high levels of intimacy and, in my case, it is very true. There are very few people I am as open with as I am with Kelly.
Earlier, I mentioned that I had never met Kelly in person. This is because the two of us met via the internet and have never actually met in person. We have shared hours of conversation via email, instant messenger and phone, but I have never been face to face with her. In spite of this, I do not feel my relationship with her is any less intimate than the friendships I have with those people that I see on a daily basis. I think that because we do not see each other everyday, I feel like I can share more with her than I could my other friends because the danger of sensitive information affecting my social network is limited. This "protection" makes me feel safe and willing to share my deepest secrets.

Finally, I feel like my friendship with Kelly is closer than that with my own sister. Perhaps this is because I chose her and was not stuck with her, but I like to think it has to do with the give and take that goes on between us. I know that Kelly will be in my life for years to come because she provides for me much of the support and love that I have needed these past few years. Hopefully, I have provided the same for her.